Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize