I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
