She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
