I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
