I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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