Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
