They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
