I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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