apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize