i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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