I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
