Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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