Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
