Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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