Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
