Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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