No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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