That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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