she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
