tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
