I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
