All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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