Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
