I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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