sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
