Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
