how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize