Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
