barbara walters just said penis...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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