Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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