just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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