If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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