What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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