Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
