I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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