I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
