If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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