Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
