so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
