my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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