I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
