you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
