so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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