If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
