So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You're like the curious george of whores
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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