I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The Olympian is in my bed
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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