Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize