I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
