WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
