I love black thongs
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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