Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
