? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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