Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
