Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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