life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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