My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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