3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
