fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
