Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
