Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
