I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
