Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
