Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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