Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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