Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
