I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
