I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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