i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
