I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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