are you so shy because you have an std?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Boobs speak an international language.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
