the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
