I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
