and my herpes radar will keep us safe
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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