No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
