he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
