So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
