it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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