my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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