Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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