i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
