I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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