the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize