i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
