I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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