How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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