I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
