If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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