I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
