I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize