OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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