Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
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