the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize