is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
