I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
