Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
