wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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