if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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